Displaced Stay At Home Californian in rural N. Carolina

The Many Faces of Joy

The Many Faces of Joy

Sunday, December 5, 2010


I made this wreath today from a $2 dollar wreath I found at Goodwill and some balls of yarn I had stashed away for when friends come over and say, "Gee I wish you would teach me how to knit, I have been dying to learn" which in reality has only happened once and it was the 8 year old neighbor and I am pretty sure she hasn't picked it back up since she made off with a decent pair of size 8 needles and some ratty yellow yarn. And to give credit where credit is due, I didn't come up with the idea on my own, I saw it on someone else's blog and thought it was so cute but I wasn't willing to buy the wreath because it isn't in my budget to buy greenery that will eventually dry out and that I will throw in the garbage. If you can't eat it, use it or clean something up with it, I don't waste money on it.

This is the season of waste, irritation, inadequacy and guilt for me. I feel irritated at how commercial everything is, how wasteful people are, how we buy and buy and buy when we don't need the things we are buying or giving and then how those items end up broken, torn, destroyed or discarded very quickly and we move on to something else. I also dislike the way we teach our children how to ask for 1 or 2 or 50 gifts as if that will bring peace to the Middle East, cure AIDS, give same sex couples the right to marry whomever they love or get the Korean neighbors to stop abusing their kids.

I feel inadequate because I don't have lots of money to buy whatever my children want or most especially an American Girl Doll even if they never touch it again in their life. I feel guilt because even though I have to settle with someone else's hand-me-down toys or look at places like the Goodwill or Salvation Army, there is someone else with so much less or even nothing at all and I realize I have so much.

That having been said, I want a pair of Ugg boots size 8, color brown. I have been wanting a pair for 7 years, maybe this is the Christmas I'll get them.

1 comment:

Aycandy said...

How brave of you to be honest. We all know that feeling. For a long time I over spent and gathered debt to make the kid happy. Well the economy dried up and I stopped getting killer bonuses and was left with bills. I will admit it was fun to see them light up after opening a gift. But it was always short lived. My excessive buying comes from a frugal upbringing. I know how bad it is to want something when all the kids have it. My parents scraped money together to send me to private school. This did not leave anything left over for cool clothes, video games or fancy vacations. I always lied about vacationing in HI or skiing in Mammoth. Sadly because I'm over extended I can't help out Brooke more with a more reliable car or Ty with school trips. I know it's of my doing so I take responsibility. I have pulled back and am slowly gaining ground. But I feel inadequate that I'm not able to help my kids when it really mattered.