Displaced Stay At Home Californian in rural N. Carolina

The Many Faces of Joy

The Many Faces of Joy

Monday, November 7, 2011


I had a conversation with my mother this weekend. It went like this:

Ring Ring Ring:

Me: Hello?
Mom: Hi so I made the appointment and we had to wait nearly a month and I am sorry but we can't miss it.
Me: What are you talking about?
Mom: Heidi's appointment with the doctor.
Me: Mom, what are you talking about?
Mom: Well if you listen to me you will know what I am talking about.

My niece is staying with us. And we want to keep her until Thanksgiving since we are going to visit my folks and we can take her back with us. There are several reasons for this - it saves money on gas, it saves me driving for six plus hours when I don't have to, it saves wear and tear on our car, it is more efficient, it makes more sense . . . to me. When we made these plans my mother and my niece didn't remember this Doctor appointment that she had scheduled and now my mother is out of town and trying to clue me in to this appointment.

I asked my Mom to please try to call the Doctor and reschedule, I asked her to consider my position, I have 2 smaller children and am trying to juggle our one family car and this 6 hour trip back to Northern California, I thought I was being reasonable. But the more I pushed (albeit gently) the more frustrated my Mother got until she hung up irritable and inflexible. I ranted a little (or a lot) to my husband about it but let me tell you, if I had a dollar for every time I complained about this personality trait of my Mother's I would be sitting on a healthy sized stack of money.

I have to stop here and congratulate my husband on not pointing out the obvious every time I sounded just like my Mom. For those of you that are married, you know exactly where this would land him. I also have to stop here to say that my mother is much worse than I am, this story would not work out as well if I admitted that I was the biggest offender. But obviously she is older than I am and so she should be more set in her ways and less flexible, and me being younger I not only have more energy to be flexible, I also just am that way by nature.

After I hung up, I realized the obvious, I am JUST like my mother. Not similar, not kind of, not having some or a few of her personality traits, I am JUST like her. I am inflexible. I am un-budging. I am unwilling to compromise. If pushed, I push back and hate to back down when the subject gets heated. I can be reasonable once I have had some time to cool off or to think about it but in the heat of the moment I can be very stubborn. And then I gripe about it for at least a week, ask my husband, I really do! And I wonder where I got it from?

The next day my mother called and she told me that she would try to reschedule the appointment. She told me that she would try to get another date or at least a later time so that our midnight drive to rush my niece back home would not be so frantic. I want to say that she said she would try to compromise because she realized that we had done so much to compromise on our end and meeting us half way was the right thing to do. But she didn't, she just called again and said she couldn't get a new time for the appointment so we would have to figure out how to get Heidi home.

Just like her.