Displaced Stay At Home Californian in rural N. Carolina

The Many Faces of Joy

The Many Faces of Joy

Thursday, February 16, 2012


I love babies. I love all babies. I love them at all stages, they are so adorable and hug-able and squishy and burpy and milky and needy. My favorite stage is 0 to 6 months when they are totally dependent upon you for everything and they are nursing exclusively. I relished being a life force for my babies, they needed me and I needed them. I was so protective of my babies that having other people hold them made me feel like something was missing from my body, almost like losing a limb. We wanted to have more babies but every womans body has a clock and each clock has its own rhythm and we found out yesterday that my rhythm has stopped.

It has been a difficult two days for me. I never imagined when I was having children that this would happen so soon, although for a woman who has never had children I must seem very self indulgent to be feeling like this when I have 2 children already. One friend called me selfish and said that there were plenty of other children in this world why bring more into it? Another person told me that I was foolish because it is so expensive to have children and such a time constraint, I would never be childless or free to explore other facets of my life. When would I go back to work? Imagine the stress on my marriage? Who had more than 2 kids anymore?

I kept bumping into women who were 45 and carrying their first child. Or women who would say, "I just got pregnant at 43 with no intervention" or "I know two 50 year old women right now carrying twins" so I kept hope alive that I could be a more mature mother and it would be something I could do with a lot of money and medical intervention. What about that woman I keep going back to in Arkansas with 20 kids?

I also have tucked away in the back of my mind that my husband is physically able to have kids for many more years. We have only been married for 8 years and he is already saddled with a woman who is plucking chin hairs and dealing with insomnia - how fun is that? I'm sure you can tell that this is the self pity and wallowing that a woman does when she is having a hard time scraping herself off the floor. I have been wallowing for 2 days. And I think I am allowed at least 2 more before I have to get up, dust myself off, shower, put on some make up, fix my hair, wear something cute and start contacting Adoption Agencies.

Friday, February 10, 2012


I haven't posted in a while because I've had writers block. That means I am so busy I am blocked from being able to sit down to the computer and blog. Seriously, I am so busy sometimes that I wonder if Stay-At-Home-Moms are allowed assistants. I am so busy sometimes that I don't take time to go to the bathroom and while I'm skipping home from school, I lose bladder control. I am so busy sometimes I have these great ideas to blog about and then end up blogging about skipping home and losing bladder control.

For the first time ever I contacted a company and asked them for some freebies if I endorsed their products in my blog. I know I know I know, I even blogged about the Mommy Bloggers several years ago and called them out as not being real bloggers and being product pushers and capitalism whores who bowed to brand names and gimmickry as the way to get people to read their writing. I think I even poked fun at their writing because between the giveaways and the freebies they hardly wrote anything interesting. But I did it - I bought these great Vegan boots and I loved them so much I emailed the company and told them that all 26 readers would run out and buy Vegan boots because I did and because I loved them.

Lucky for all 26 of you, they never responded so you don't have to go buy vinyl boots at 20% off, although I do have to say they are very hip and cool and far out comfortable although I have not had a chance to wear them yet because it has been 70 degrees and way too hot for boots lately in California.

What I am going to do is endorse a favorite blogger of mine and see if anyone reads it and loves it as much as I do. I am talking about the deliciousness and raunchiness of Margaret Cho, Korean American superfreak of all time. (Oh and yes she is also an actress and comedienne) Her blog can be found here: She also has pictures, great tats, shows and dates, and so much more. She is something of a potty mouth for those of you under 18 (Heidi) but I consider her that much more fabulous for it. And life is about learning and we can all use new ways to use the F word, right?


Tuesday, February 7, 2012


So I think that life here on this planet as we know it is short. And while that life is short, the time that we spend being truly happy is even shorter. Lets face it, between working, earning money, spending money, having kids, eating, sleeping, farting, eliminating, vacationing, paying taxes, studying, cleaning, shopping, knitting and all that other stuff, we are not always going to be happy all of the time, if we are lucky we will only be happy part of the time.

But to tell another person they cannot be happy is wrong. And to mandate that certain groups have rights when others don't is wrong. And to tell two people who are in love that they cannot have the same marriage contract that everyone else gets is wrong.

So when I logged onto Facebook this morning and saw a friend had posted this: “Proposition 8 served no purpose, and had no effect, other than to lessen the status and human dignity of gays and lesbians in California,” I have to honestly say that I almost fell off my chair. And then I smiled. And then I kept smiling all day.

Friday, February 3, 2012


When I was living in Spain there was a long long drive that led up to the school I was attending. It was about a mile and a half, maybe more, maybe less and it had Mandarin Orange trees on either side of the road. Even though it was considered poaching and once in a while there would be a reminder sent out about picking these oranges and eating them, we would occasionally wander into the fields and help ourselves to an orange now and then. There were always workers in these fields and once in a while one of them would be standing by the road. And once in a very blue moon if a solitary girl or two girls were walking by you would see a little more than you had planned on because one of these workers would expose themselves to you. This was my first exposure to flashing.

My second exposure was the other day.

Part of having my youngest child in preschool was to use this valuable time for me and Sally the dog to exercise and get rid of my baby fat, since my baby is now 5. I have only been able to squeeze in an exercise 4 times since September but 4 times is better than none, am I right? Anyway - the other day I was at the park walking laps in the middle of the day. At the park in the middle of the day during the week is a very quiet place, no kids on the swings, no children on the playground, no soccer games in training, no parents standing around, no pick up basketball games in session.

I was on lap 3 when I saw a guy coming towards me on a bike. He had on a helmet and a jacket and a backpack and was looked like he was going somewhere, school, work, public library, parole officer? Anyway - as he passed he had one hand on the bike handles and another resting on his lap/groin area and holding a carrot. He had a very wide smile and the closer he got to passing me it struck me as a little creepy. It wasn't until after he had ridden past that I realized, he wasn't holding a carrot.