Wednesday, December 5, 2012
This is a picture of what my new home state will look like. It looks strange to me. I have officially entered the kicking and screaming, temper tantrum stage of my move and the packers haven't even shown up.
On Friday we will get on a plane and fly to North Carolina and check it out. We will drive around and we will rent a house and we will meet people and we will check out schools and we will get on a plane and fly back home and then the movers will come and pack our stuff up and you know the rest of the story.
Last night I was talking to my friend Whitney who I met through the Moms club I belong to and I was telling her that my biggest fear was that people would be having lots of fun and I would not be here to have fun with them. And that it made me sad to think of myself miles and miles away and them here laughing it up, out to dinner, park play dates, fun events, beach trips, celebrating birthdays, camping excursions and all the while life will be moving on without me. I started to cry because that is something that I am doing a lot lately and I felt silly, like a little kid that wants to have her cake and eat it too. I can't move to North Carolina and live in California at the same time. I can't move into the next stage of my life and become a home owner and stay on the west coast. I can't say goodbye to my family and stay here and watch them leave. This is a package deal - we made this decision together and we are going to make the best of this wonderful job opportunity and life changing decision.
It just means that I met some pretty neat people here and I put down some roots and I will miss them. And I'm sure that after a while we will put down roots there and we will meet people and we will make new friends. And one day I will realize that I'm having a great time somewhere else with other people, new people and I won't feel so lonely or bad that life has gone on without me here in California.