runlikejoy

Displaced Stay At Home Californian in rural N. Carolina

The Many Faces of Joy

The Many Faces of Joy

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Hysterical

 Today I came home from Target with several bags of things.  They were heavy and I went to sent them down and fish out my keys to unlock the front door when I noticed a long black stick laying across the door.  Except it was not a long black stick, it was a snake!  I would like to say that I rationally got a rake or a hoe or a shovel and I coaxed it away from the front door or I whacked it really good and sent it straight to snake heaven or I just stepped over it and went inside.  Instead I did something else.

I dropped all my purchases all over the ground.  Then I broke out in a cold sweat and I started to hyperventilate and I felt like I was losing bowel control.  I managed to force those muscles to kick in but then I started to panic and in my panic I called my neighbors while trying not to scream out loud.  They were not home so I hung up and called my other neighbors.  They were not home either, THANK GOD because by this point I was sobbing and hiccuping like a 2 year old that has dropped a lollypop, or like a 2 year old who has seen a snake.

Then I took a picture of it and called my husband and told him I was packing my bags and moving out and he could either stay or go, it was up to him.  And he suggested I go and get the rake or something heavy and whack it really good and I told him that he could come home and do that but I was going to freak out which was pretty funny because I literally was hysterical - blubbering, sniffing, hiccoughing, hiccuping and breathing heavy.

At this point I noticed several green bags with dog waste in them - I throw them in one spot before I dispose of them and that spot is on the front porch.  So I picked up one bag and threw it at the snake.  Then I picked up the second bag and chucked it at the snake.  This snake clearly didn't like having bags of shit thrown at it so it slithered away and into a small hole that leads to the crawl space under the house.  And I had to go inside the house and have a stiff drink.  Or two.


1 comment:

Francoise Allamanche said...

Should I show you a picture of Felicie petting a snake at McClellan park during a field trip ? What kind of snake is that ? On another note, I hope you get more of those so you come home faster....