Wednesday, April 24, 2013
I dropped all my purchases all over the ground. Then I broke out in a cold sweat and I started to hyperventilate and I felt like I was losing bowel control. I managed to force those muscles to kick in but then I started to panic and in my panic I called my neighbors while trying not to scream out loud. They were not home so I hung up and called my other neighbors. They were not home either, THANK GOD because by this point I was sobbing and hiccuping like a 2 year old that has dropped a lollypop, or like a 2 year old who has seen a snake.
Then I took a picture of it and called my husband and told him I was packing my bags and moving out and he could either stay or go, it was up to him. And he suggested I go and get the rake or something heavy and whack it really good and I told him that he could come home and do that but I was going to freak out which was pretty funny because I literally was hysterical - blubbering, sniffing, hiccoughing, hiccuping and breathing heavy.
At this point I noticed several green bags with dog waste in them - I throw them in one spot before I dispose of them and that spot is on the front porch. So I picked up one bag and threw it at the snake. Then I picked up the second bag and chucked it at the snake. This snake clearly didn't like having bags of shit thrown at it so it slithered away and into a small hole that leads to the crawl space under the house. And I had to go inside the house and have a stiff drink. Or two.