Displaced Stay At Home Californian in rural N. Carolina

The Many Faces of Joy

The Many Faces of Joy

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Round Up

Our Sally Tomato died about a month ago.  I haven't wanted to write about it because it has been so sad and hard to talk about.  I talked about it several weeks ago and broke down and sobbed and then overshared about some other stuff.  That is how grief works - you get sad about something and you bottle it up and when it spills over all the other shit in your life spills out with it.   It doesn't matter that Sally was old, it doesn't matter that Sally was not going to live forever, it doesn't matter that Sally was a dog, he was a part of our family and I'm getting older and grief affects me differently and I bottled it up and the other day I fell apart. 

When I come home I miss the sound of "tic tic tic" across the hardwoods as he comes to greet me.  I miss his classic pacing.  I miss him laying down hard on the floor because he was old and laying down sometimes wasn't gentle.  I miss his furry head and how he would lay it in my head.  It will take me some time to stop looking for him when I come in and when I leave.  He was such a big part of our lives.

 And then I got physically sick for a week and I think that somehow it was all tied together.  Mind is wearied, body is wearied.  I got strep and it was terrible and I was laid up in bed for days and I struggled with feeling terrible both inside and out.  And I felt like I was able to shed my physical sickness when I said goodbye to Sally and embraced Marcko.  Call me a crazy Dog lady or a psycho animal freak but I was very connected to that dog.

This weekend we take the family on a camping trip, our first NC camping excursion.  We are going to go with 4 or 5 other families which is the best way to camp.  We used to do family camping in California all summer and it is one of the things we missed the most last summer, that and Uncle Jack's Shamrock Rose Ranch.  The success or failure of this camping trip will dictate whether or not we take more in the future.  The weather here is so different than the Bay Area, we had to time it right, not too hot and not too cold, not too rainy and muddy and not too windy or blustery.  April and October are supposed to be the ideal months.

I have put in a garden.  I found a sunny spot and Gabe built me some grow boxes and I put some chicken wire around it and I hope that in some months I will have fresh tomatos and basil.  I'm not holding my breath because I realize that I'm still a gardening rookie in the state and I hear it takes great skill.  So I gave a bunch of small plants I had started from seed to a friend who helps me with landscaping and gardening who lives behind us and if mine all die, I will go and eat their.  Because he has a gardening gift.

And finally a shout out to my San Jose Korean girl Helen who went to Kyo Po Market and bought up all sorts of stinky Korean items and packaged them up and shipped them to me.  It was like Korean Christmas here yesterday as I opened this box and ripped into the seaweed like a hungry kid rips into a bag of doritos.  My Korean cup runneth over - thank you Helen.

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